It was stupid to stop my mood stabilizer

A few months ago during summer I stopped taking my mood stabilizer because I thought it was harming my body. I was under the influence delusion thinking. It is something I struggle with a lot.

Well, as the USA government has began going insane I started to go insane. Watching C-SPAN 24-7, not sleeping, obsessing over the details, researching the stupidity of it all, and I even stopped taking care of myself to the point where my best friend had to confront me about it. I actually stopped taking care of myself months ago. I lost 17lbs in a month (I told my doctor I had lost the weight over the course of three months) which is a mixed blessing but it concerned my doctor to the point she wanted me back in a couple of weeks. I need to lose weight but I need to do it healthily. I think she knew I was fudging the truth about it.

Even my regular doctor asked me how my Bipolar illness was affecting me currently because my psychiatrist had contacted him and reported I was cycling. My regular doctor asked me to return in a month to do bloodwork and check my weight. I have very good doctors.

But since i have restarted my mood stabilizer I am coming slowly out of my mixed episode or whatever I have been enduring. I feel a bit sheepish about how obsessive I have been and how paranoid I got about the medicine. This is the nature of the bipolar beast in my life.

Do you guys ever get that way? I don’t mean that you get sick of your medicine but rather you just get the feeling your body is toxic due to the medicine? I was starting to believe the delusions but at the time I just didn’t realize they were delusions because I am very good at believing those things.

Oh and this is my newest painting. I found one similar online and attempted to duplicate it. It gave me a great sense of accomplishment to finish a painting finally.

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