Missing Mania

I miss mania.  The last time I felt manic was back in February of last year.  My pdoc asked me how I was doing and I practically leaped out of my seat and said “FANTASTIC!”  It was a lot like Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch kind of thing.  We had a little chat and he adjusted my meds to bring me back to Earth.  I agreed that I needed that med adjustment.  WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!?!  I apologize, I know reading all caps can be annoying.

Those who don’t have bipolar will frequently tell me that the mania sounds like a good deal to them.  All that energy and excitement and the opportunity to go on less sleep and get more done.  Well, I wish it was that easy.  Manic episodes, and the impulsive behavior that comes with it, can lead to very large downsides.  First, there is impulsive shopping.  Mania can turn a person into a shop-aholic.  Sounds fun?  Well, it can be until you realize you’ve maxed out a couple of credit cards in just a few hours.

Another aspect of the impulsiveness is sex. For some, mania gives them a stronger sex drive, but it can lead to promiscuous, and unprotected sex.

During a period of mania, an individual can experience weight loss, perspiration and diarrhea as physical side effects of the disorder. It’s not uncommon for someone to get piercings and tattoos that they wouldn’t have gotten while stable.  Simply put, mania may feel good, but it can make you an absolute mess.

Five years ago, I described what I call Tigger Mania.  When it hits me I feel like I can conquer the world.  However, as I said at that time, “The problem is I can multi task, but what I can’t do is “multi finish” I take on a thousand projects but end up so scatter brained that I don’t get anything done.

So, the question is, if there are so many negatives caused by mania, why do I miss it?  Because I’m tired feeling depressed.  Mania may make your life a disaster, but it sure feels good during the process.  I want to stop feeling depressed all the time.  Even just a two week mania vacation would make me feel better. I will talk with my pdoc the next time I see him, but I doubt he’ll let me go for it.  Damn him for his knowledgeable and ethical ways.

Comments are closed.