I had a good weekend, overall. Friday night Maurice and I had a nice dinner and then went to see a movie. Saturday we drove to the desert to visit his parents and had a good time, and Sunday we had lunch and great conversation with friends. The weather was hot but we had beautiful skies. To anyone, this should have been a nice weekend…and it was, except for a terrible feeling of impending doom.
This is the second time I’ve had this feeling. I blogged about it a couple of months ago. This is not that general feeling of despair that comes with depression. It’s also not the typical anxiety attack. This is something much more sinister than that. This is a horrible feeling that something terrible is going to happen and it’s not about me. This feeling is something big – very big = something way beyond just me, yet I have no idea what it is that’s going to happen.
I don’t believe I’m channeling some kind action that will occur. I am not a psychic. But, that is what it feels like. That I’m psychically having a premonition of something happening of epic proportions.
Despite all the fun we had, it was not something I was able to shrug off. It made me irritable and unpleasant for a large part of the weekend until last night when it cumulated into this mass bundle of fear. It’s new, I hate it and I’ve got to do something about it. This will be the primary focus of conversation the next time I visit my pdoc, which isn’t for another couple of weeks.
The good thing is it’s gone now. Just like the last time it just quickly vanished. I feel good today. I have a lot to do for class tomorrow so I’m about to head out to my favorite coffee house to study. The impending doom will have to wait for another day.