Back to Square One

I have been realizing that I am starting to decline in my mental health as of late. I’ve been having the grand ideas, not thinking before I speak, of course the insomnia (ironically, that will never go away, not only is it a trait of Bipolar, but also of Fibromyalgia), wanting to spend money, so much so, that I am actually looking for a job so I can buy stuff.

I haven’t said anything to my husband, because he isn’t really very supportive. Not because he is a dick, but because like so many of our family and friends, they don’t know HOW to be supportive or help.

My BFF took me out to dinner last Saturday. We went to a Mexican restaurant. The waiter was totally hitting on my BFF, I mean, you could catch the drool with a cup…. It was just really sleazy and unprofessional. The medicated me would have just felt embarrassed for the guy, suffer the uncomfortable feeling everytime he would come check on us, and then just never go there again because of the experience. But no… I’m not medicated, and I don’t care what my mouth says when it opens. I start talking to the guy in Spanish, telling him I’m not stupid. Just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean I am stupid! In retrospect, I have no idea what that had to do with anything. I think I was just really insulted that he was flirting with my friend, and I wanted him to know that we were on to his game. And then the rest of the night I was just a sarcastic bitch to this guy. (Of course all AFTER he brought us our food) My friend pointed out to me that I was being mean to this guy…. She was kind of laughing about it because this is out of character for me.

Now that it has been almost a week now, I’m starting to feel like an ass. I WAS mean to that guy. I appreciate he had the hots for my friend, everyone does, she is beautiful! But for some reason I was just feeling salty about it. I’m not going back to that place. I didn’t like the food and certainly not the service. But this was a major red flag for me. I also had to cigarettes that night (I quit a couple years ago, so it’s not unlikely, but… it’s one of those things that waves a red flag).

So, that is where I am right now… Not sure which move to make next….

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