So, I see we all made it past the 21. I knew we would. I’ve been doing pretty darn good. I mean, aside from the sleep issue. I am so fucking tired of “napping” at night, instead of getting a straight night sleep.
I’ve been going to church a lot lately. And, I’m kind of keeping an eye on myself just to see if I’m getting ready to flip, just in case. But I really love going. I have even been going early! I like the quiet time. I like the time to myself for reflection. And, I don’t even feel anxious anymore. I have no more tears. I just feel so…. good and at peace. Which brought me to think, could all of those meds I was on caused me to feel that way before? So anxious and nervous and isolated? I don’t know the answer to that. And, I don’t think I ever will. So, best to just live in the moment I suppose.
I have changed a lot. I’d like to think for the better. But I have been reconsidering my Bipolar diagnosis. Could it have just been my thyroid all along? Could it have been just this fibromyalgia? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just level right now. But I’m not even looking over my shoulder right now for the edge, like I once did. I’m just living.
I know I have suffered from depression, and my initial diagnosis 20 some odd years ago was correct. And I know I have been out of my mind, and hypomanic, and depressed, and mixed, and erratic. But right now I’m good. And I’m not going to question it.