Daily Archives: September 10, 2012

The Mask

My mom says “You always want to go home, you never want to do anything, you’re antisocial.”

Bull

shit.

What I am, after a day of putting on the mask and pretending to be one of the normal feeling masses,is exhausted.

I do just want to come home and vegetate.

I don’t think I am antisocial, and neither does my counselor or doctor.

But limiting social interaction is a necessity because I do become so overwhelmed and putting on the various masks for the benefit of others does wear you down to a frazzle.

My mood goes up and down so many times in the course of a day…But I can’t let it show for that would make me defective and that is socially unacceptable.

So I plaster on the socially acceptable masks and I fake my way through the tasks, through the social interaction, through the stressors and anxieties and errands.

I’ve been told that because I call the world outside my safe zone the “petri dish” I am being negative.

I don’t believe this.

Life altering and saving things have been cooked up in petri dishes.

So have abominations that destroy and lessen life.

Calling the world outside my safe zone a petri dish merely represents my daly uncertainty of what I might encounter. It could go either way, and some days, my psyche feels so threadbare, I don’t want to risk it being a negative encounter. Because no matter what mask I put on or how seemingly impenetrable it seems…

At the end of it all,I am just a fragile human being whose brain misfires frequently.

I think if the so called “normal” people could just walk a few days in the shoes of those of us who have to live behind our masks and deal with  brains that send us the wrong messages 80% of the time…

They might learn the art of apathy.

But I won’t hold my breath.

 


May Your Light Not Go Out

Reblogged from A Canvas Of The Minds:

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Warning:  This post discusses suicide.  Not graphically, and not in detail, but if the topic is triggering to you, you may want to choose not to read it.

Today is 10 September 2012, a day that has been designated World Suicide Awareness Day.  I know that this is a very frightening subject for so many people, even those without mental illness, to talk about.  

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Ruby Tuesday wrote this eloquent post for World Suicide Awareness Day, over on Canvas of the Minds. I could not possibly say it better, so here's the reblog:

World Suicide Prevention Day

I had another post, well thought out and better written, all cued up for today. But then the blogosphere made …

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