Daily Archives: August 9, 2012

I can’t stand the noise today

I guess I have a lot on my mind. But I just can’t stand any kind of noise today. I have had headaches off and on this whole week. I’m attributing it to my period. Because that is the only thing I can attribute it to.

I’ve just been so unnerved lately. I’m trying to wrap brain around my empathy. And after doing research on it, I wonder, which came first, the empathy or the bipolar? I’ve been an emotional sponge my whole life. And pieces are finally starting to fall together, but I don’t have answers and I think that is driving me nuts. I have been on this hunt for many years. Then I got diagnosed with BP and was put on meds for what, 6 or 7 years? That certainly deadend everything.

And feelings have been awakening the past year or so, and now I’m left with this… mess of sorts, that I walked away from many years ago.

In the time it has taken me to write this, a whopping 10 minutes maybe? I have had to stop and scold the kids for being too loud. I have asked them to move to another room, of course they wont. So, I think I have to before I just flip the hell out.

There. I changed rooms, but I can still hear noise.

But then when it is quiet, I need some sort of noise to keep the noise out of my head. Makes no sense does it. I guess I just don’t want LOUD noises?

Fuck. I don’t know. I just know I need help, and I am not finding any. I have even reached out to some people who I thought would be able to help me, only to find that no one wants to seem to help me. Which sends the message to me that this is something I need to do on my own… OR… people think I’m fucking nuts.

I can’t win for losing today….

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I haven’t been keeping on top of blogging lately – getting up to speed on the new job plus recent …

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Still Wobbling

Today is a bit sadder-feeling than yesterday, so yanno… keeping on par down near the bottom of the well. But instead of whining and reflecting on that today, I figured I’d share a recipe that is a favorite of mine. That is, of course, James Beard’s recipe for banana bread:

Click me for deliciousness!

I don’t know what it is about banana bread, but it’s definitely high up in the pantheon of comfort foods. And it’s not that hard to make, which is an added bonus. As my husband and daughter are both crazy about banana, a loaf goes pretty darn quickly, which is a nice ego stroke. And then there’s the pleasure of indulging in a slice oneself — bliss. So while I only had a nibble off of my husband’s slice last night before be, I’ll definitely treat myself to a nice hunk of my own later.

<3