So I quit taking the Abilify because I felt like I was going to have to chase my skeleton down the street once it escaped my skin.
The doctor prescribed Geodon as a replacement to treat the paranoia.
The insurance company denied it and gave me Risperdal.
Which they tried to do last time instead of the Abilify and I told the nurse I refused to take it ever again because it made me gain sixty pounds and did no good at all.
So now I have to do battle yet again because the doctor expects me to take this shit when I believe I made myself abundantly clear. And ya know, she’s the doctor, so them overruling what she wanted me to have in favor of their cheaper idea should piss her off. It sure as fuck does me. I’m all for saving money but when the patient has tried the cheaper versions with no success and unappealing side affects, then the more expensive should be covered, period. Insurance companies are the devil and should not be allowed to stick their nose into medical care when all they care about is money.
I have been super depressed, just functioning on auto pilot. The heat has not helped. And when I say heat, I don’t mean 85 degrees normal summer. I mean nothing less than 96 for the last 8 days and we’re looking at seven more with temps in the hundreds. I am sweaty and cranky and pissed off to say the least. Every day it just feels like trudging uphill, and I have summer bronchitis, so I can barely breathe in the humidity and keep coughing up lungs. I am frustrated beyond words. I am not looking forward to this dr appointment.
I think it is Thursday.
I am going on a downtrodden tirade. LISTEN TO ME, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, HOW CAN I GET BETTER IF YOU WON’T LISTEN AND COOPERATE????I want back on Effexor, the Celexa is as effective as tic tacs for the depression. f course, that would probably be too expensive and they’d stick me on Zoloft which made me suicidal. But hey, what do I or the doctor know, the insurance company is God.
No, they’re not, they are the devil. They just think they are God.
You have no idea how much I wish to be independently wealthy and just pay straight out for my meds, so I don’t have to deal with this shit of people I don’t know who don’t know fuck all fucking with me getting better. Geodon may have been my magic bullet but I will never know now.
The more I see of this brave new world, the more I wish I had a time machine to pack my kid into and just go back to a time when things made a little more sense and people had more control over their own bodies and lives.
The United States used to be a great country.
Now it is run by Big Business (aka pharma companies) and I’m not particularly proud to say I am from this country.
Sad. Very very sad
And being depressive and depressed makes it even sadder and more infuriating.