This morning, I was thinking about control issues, while looking at an article posted by a friend on FB. (http://www.buzzfeed.com/samir/things-that-will-drive-your-ocd-self-insane )
Without doubt, this stuff DOES bother me, and without doubt, my OCD is worse without the medication.
There are good and bad things to this. The good first:
– Self control. Something which I really lost quite a bit, particularly on high dosage of the SSRI. Whenever I felt like eating sweets, I did so. Tons of them. When I felt like spending money, I went on Amazon and did so. No ENORMOUS amounts, not even I am that stupid, but too much for what we can afford right now. Mostly books, so no throwing away money, I will have stuff to read for.. years :D? I also wasn´t able to exercise any kind of control over myself about sensible dealing with deadlines etc, resulting in terrible backlogs. I don´t know if that has gotten MUCH better, but I kind of feel more responsible all over. Also, I am getting better at pushing myself to exercise.
– Forgetting things: Lately, I was really starting to be afraid I´d be getting Alzheimers or something. I just couldn´t remember ANYTHING, be it appointments, stuff to do, things people told me or song lyrics. In one ear, out the next. Now, it seems my brain is taking control a bit again, and I can retain a few more things in that sieve of brain of mine, and hope it will get better.
The bad? Well, that worrying about stuff which COULD happen and over which I have no control at all which is getting a bit worse. Like, people or animals I love dying on me, ending up poor and sick, things like that. And I angst too much about work stuff right now. Need to find a way to relax a bit more, a middle way between getting things done but not stressing over them. Easy enough, right :D?
One step at a time. We´ll get there.